Forgiving someone that has done you wrong can be one of the hardest, yet best experiences in life. I know this f because I once struggled with holding onto bad feeling against a friend from school back in the day. Every time I would bump into him I would just walk the other direction or pretend his wasn’t there, and it took me years to truly let go of that feeling and resentment. But once I did, it was a life-changing moment that felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
During my senior year of high school, there was a friend who I believed had wronged me deeply. I carried that resentment with me through graduation and even into my college years. It wasn’t something I thought about everyday but whenever I bumped into the person (we had shared friends) I would feel a mix of anger, hurt, and betrayal. I didn't realize how much this emotional burden was affecting my mental and physical well-being.
In my past job, I was offered a free session with a therapist as part of a healthcare initiative. I had never done therapy, but I decided to take advantage of the incentive. During the session, the therapist spoke about the concept of forgiveness. She explained that forgiveness doesn't mean accepting the actions of others; rather, it's about releasing myself from that prison. This session really help me understand how harboring those feelings can hold you back and motivated me to try letting go of the anger.
Believe it or not the process was easy for me. One of the things that helped me forgive for my sake, was the thought of the other person not even having a clue of what I was going through. Now, you can probably say that’s the wrong way to approach forgiveness but it’s how that started. Eventually, I decided to move past it for my benefit and no one else’s.
It didn't happen overnight, but over time, I found myself less consumed by negative thoughts whenever I would bump into this person or hear someone talk about them and more open to healing. The sense of peace and freedom I experienced was incredible, and it inspired me to prioritize forgiveness in my life.
Now, I want to share some tips on how you can practice forgiveness in your own life:
Get perspective: Try to listen to the other person's point of view and their possible reasons of why things happened the way they did. I didn’t do this in my case, but it might work for you. This doesn't mean you have to agree with their what happened, but it can help you find compassion.
Boundaries: Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to forget what happened. Set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation back into your life.
Forgive With Intention: Decide to let go of the negativity and anger you've been holding onto. This decision is about freeing yourself, not excusing the other person's behavior. This is about you, not them.
Seek support: Sometimes, talking to a friend or therapist can help you process your feelings a find a way to forgiving someone.
Forgiving someone can be tough, especially when we let pride get in the way but it’s a deeply personal journey that can lead to healing and peace. By letting go of resentment, you free yourself from the weight of negativity and open yourself up to new possibilities and growth. If you're struggling with forgiveness, I encourage you to take the first steps toward healing—you'll be amazed at how transformative it can be.
References:
https://www.compassionandwisdom.org/blog/2023/9/19/respect-the-key-to-success-happiness-and-strong-relationships-?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwoPOwBhAeEiwAJuXRhzZ4hqsHkIOIgSRr6CubXPUgEYmflGvBBccuZS_VXGIbDWZ6OlwBvRoCQzgQAvD_BwE
https://www.eehealth.org/blog/2017/12/peace-through-forgiveness/
https://riveroakspsychology.com/the-science-of-forgiveness-how-it-benefits-your-mind-and-body/
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